My life at DESPO – Episode 13

“For exam, after God, na your neck (for spying)” that was one of our funny exam slogan in DESPO, then (lol). What is Expo called in your school? While waiting for your answer, let me tell what it is called in my school. It is called BOMB! Some call it Ochuko(helper), others call it Chukuli (lol).

“Attention please! if you are with any material that might implicate you, please, bring it out now before we start. I am the one begging you now oh, please, bring it out now, don’t fall a victim. This is your final year last paper, don’t let your past year’s struggles and efforts be wasted today,’

‘That is why I’m begging you. For the last time, please bring any implicating material with you, out now, cos If i catch you with any after this moment, consider yourself doomed!” an invigilator nicknamed ‘7 demon’ pleaded and warned the students at the same time,’

In case you don’t know, the man called 7 demon is not a lecturer oh, he is a very, very strict invigilator (ask any DESPO student). Only the man can hold one full exam hall to ransom. (the man dey worry)

“who wan die, nor dey  get sense” na so our fore fathers talk am.

That parable was meant for the likes Emeka. Some students, who felt touched/threatened by 7demon’s pleading/warning, went out to drop their machineries (Bombs, microchips, chukuli, Ochuko).

Emeka didn’t move oh.  “na today we dey carry bomb enta hall?,  Ogbeni, 7demon, you nor fit catch me, i be professional for d expo mata, you can’t see me (John Cena)” he thought in his mind. (that moment devil wan use your destiny play ball).

The invigilators shared answer booklets among the students and the exam commenced.

” hey you, move from that seat, move to the front. You on black shirt, don’t let me repeat myself, are you mad? If i repeat myself again, i’ll book you(fill malpractice form) idioot!” 7demon shouted while reshuffled the students, disorganizing them in the process. (dat man can scatter formation ehn).

When i say formation, i mean, you know that kind setting for exam wen you and your paddy dem go position for one particular area for the hall.

Some people go dey front, back, left right for easy flow of answers , you can easily ask the person sitting close to you question without being heard by an invigillator. (You neva stil understand?)

Ok, take for instance, if i sit down one seat, one or two of my guys go occupy the seat for my front, two guys go occupy the seat wen dey my back, another 2 guy go take the seats wey dey my left and right hand side, shey you don grab(understand)? Na formation be that. (in case you neva stil understand, you are on your own oh)

Students dey fight for hall cos of the matter oh, that moment wen your guy wey you reserve seat for neva com, anoda person one com seat down that seat, e fit lead to another thing o (you wantu comman scatter people formation abi?).  *lol*

Scattering of student’s formation is 7demon’s hobby, the man good for dat ministry wella). The students started murmuring and complaining, frustration dudn come. (why somebody go dey worry final year students for their last paper like dat, dat one no pass witchcraft?) lol.

That moment wey dem carry the person wen dey show you some answers comot from your seat, how body go do you? (that was how those that were complaining l felt)

Do you know that there is ginger and voltage in every  extra time of an exam?

That moment you hear ” 5 minutes to go!”, i nor know were the confidence and speed dey com o, na there you go see students wey neva write anything dey move from seat-to- seat with the speed of light, dey go find answer. (hustling mood activated).

Na stil dat time you take see students dey copy from number 1 – 7  answers finish within 2 minutes (nor play with students o). Acada life na Survival of the fittest o, nor be about who read pass. There is a saying in school that, ‘ na who pass, n aim know book’

You neva write anything and you sit down for one place abi? Nor go hustle first, na big FAIL you go fail. ( dat time you go Get SENSE!)

NB: i am not in any way encouraging laziness or unseriousness oh, am talking from my own experience (students life in school).

Make i tell something. If you see as some people take serious with their book for school ehn, you go call yourself failure..

But the mata be say, at the end of the day, you fit discover say you wey dey do your smal smal reading and follow-up, your  GP fit high pass dat serious person own (na sometimes i talk oh).

If you wey be student like, make you nor go carry your book read, you go   Big FAIL and many carryovers/extensions you go get). No be swear o. Na real matter! Lol

Oya back to the matter, like dat Wizkid song.

It was ‘5 minutes’ to the end of the exam!

7demon and other invigilators were collecting scripts from students they caught moving from seat to seat.

Emeka was already through with his questions but he didn’t go out to submit his answer booklet (village people at work!) lol.

He answered all the questions off heart without help oh (the boy still sharp small).

“the questions too cheap, i for no bother carry ‘bomb’ sef. Abeg make i troway the ones wey dey with me go outside, before all these invigillators com search person” Emaka reasoned while he was searched for the pieces of paper in his pocket.

Meanwhile, 7demon has been observing Emeka’s body movement from a distance. While Emeka was searching for the bomb in his pocket, it fell off in the process (village pipo!)

“hey you, stand up!, don’t move! Leave that piece of paper there, don’t touch it. I will use you as a scape goat. Iddiioot, your own don finish today,” 7demon shouted as he walked towards Emeka.. ( E don red! )

At the end of the day, Emeka was given a malpractice form to fill. E nor end there oh, on the set date for students who were involved in malpractice to face the School’s Panel(Court) for examination misconduct came but, Emeka didn’t show. It was later that some of his friends disclosed that the reason Emeka didn’t show up to face panel on the set date was that,+- he was at home enjoying himself with some baes in za other room.

That was how Emeka was expelled from school after all the money spent on him.

Now, i will define family problem as ” na family problem make the Emeka nor submit him answer booklet, immediately he finish.


Students, Be wise oh!


To be continued.

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