My Life At DESPO – Episode 25

“You dey hear wetin dat mumu boy dey talk so? He neva fit buy bicycle tyre for life finish, he con go dream go buy G-Wagon, who do the boy dis tin?,” my brother asked, and we both laughed

my brother: ehen, oshare, as you come dis school so, no dey waka anyhow o. You dey one problem (cow matter) wey dem neva settle, you get mind dey waka dis kind time, make you use your brain o,”

me: i hear you bros. Bros, so you even go one side go flex and you nor carry me along, no be so o (i said in a bid to change topic)

my brother: you no go understand.

Me, Jay and Uncle C stroll enter school go watch people wey dey play match before one of our guy call me say make i com block am for Campus Bar. Na so our 3 take stroll go there o, wen we reach there, no be small tin o, the guy wan finish us with ‘shayo’ oh, omo, na sense we take comot from dat place o, before we go start to misbehave o. Lol

me: ona neva see anything! Lol.

Na dat bar wey dey front na im me, meekest and some guys dey since o! We settle one matter, na there we con take end the matter o.

my brother: oshare, nor go loose guard o, if you fall mugu, dem go use you shine for here o.

me: yess na! I know as e dey go o

We continued talking till we slept off.


The next morning while i entered the bathroom to have my bath, i saw meekest sleeping peacefully on the floor of the bathroom with his clothes on ( shayo na bastard o!).

i couldn’t laugh alone, so i went to wake the rest guys up, so they can come and see the latest victim of shayo, his royal highness, meekest!

When we all got to the bathroom, we brought our phones and took different snapshots of meekest in his high state that will be used to taunt him later.

While those guys were busy snapping our latest Shayo ambassador ( meekest), i went back into the room, picked two empty bottles of ‘Red Label’ and Coke, took them inside the bathroom and placed them on meekest’s arm before i took some nice shots ( see wicked!) lol.

” see wetin shayo do this family man o, chai!,” Uncle-C said, and we all laughed.

‘ meekest my son, i sent you to school, you went there to be a drunk!’ i sang and the laughter continued.

” ahh! See as he just be like pikin wey dem pursue from their community,” Jay added

” dis boy still dey alive so, make ona go check am o, maybe he go and devil go don dey activate for dat side o!,” my brother commented while we all continued with laughing.

We had laughter for breakfast that day.

After much snapping and captions suggestions for the shots we took, i realized i was getting late for lectures.

‘ bros, abeg i dun late o, make we carry dis guy comot from dis bathroom make i baff, comot.’ i suggested while i went to carry meekest’s legs.

” oshare, you think say we fit carry dis guy for dis condition so? Dis guy no be human being again o, na load he don be o,” Uncle C said while he carried meekest’s hand and we both carried the drunken master outside.

What surprised me was that meekest didn’t feel disturbed while we carried him, the boy nor wake up. I sure say meekest go dey feel say he dey inside plane, for im dream.

I hurriedly took my bath and left for lectures while the drunken master slept where we dropped him,  peacefully. When i got outside the lodge, i went to the road to get a bike.

I could had strolled down to school that morning but, i was getting late and the course we had that morning, was a calculation course and if don’t get there before lectures begin, i might not understand the topic taught.

When i got down from the bike at school gate, i saw Rose with a beautiful friend of hers walking towards our department and when she sighted me, they stood and waited till i got to where they were.

“Good morning, dear” she greeted as she embraced me.

‘ morning, how was your night?’ i replied while staring at her beautiful friend.

When Rose noticed that my attention was focused on her friend, she cleared her throat to get my attention before she said, ” so you are even staring at someone else while am with you right?”

me: its not what you are thinking oh.

I am just appreciating the Handwork of God, for He made all things bright and beautiful, i said with a smile on my face while

Rose and her friend laughed.

‘Hey, don’t mind Rose o, that’s how she behaves sometimes,’ i said and winked at her friend while she smiled, shyly.

Rose: why are you smiling like that?

me:  i just found a wife nau, and you were the one that brought us together, thank you very much, i appreciate!

Rose: you are not serious! Lol

While we were walking, Rose was walking in between her friend and i (which kine Rose be dis na?!) lol.

I held Rose’s arm, and playfully dragged her to my side, that made me the one in their middle while they walked by side. (2 fine girls don bodyguard you once?) lol

While i was in the middle i held Rose’s friend hand with a smile on my face and said, ‘since Rose don’t want to introduce us to each other, thank God i have mouth, let me introduce myself by myself’ and she laughed ( you go hear word!)

‘ my name is Efe, I’ m a Nigerian and i can speak pidgin english, broken english and correct english, i can sing and smile for africa, let me stop here first, i’ll continue the remaining part of the introduction later. Now that you’ve known some things about me, what is the name?’ i asked her.

“i don’t tell strangers my name” she said, laughing.

‘ this is how you girls will be forming hard to get till you lose angels like me o.

“Angel! Angel! Where have you been?,” Rose interrupted while laughing.

me: i have been in the sky! You better mind your business there, before you com and spoil my market for me o, i said while i playfully pushed her away from us.

Rose: you nor go fit buy dis market oh!

me: gerrarahere! Na jealousy dey worry you so.

I looked at Rose’s friend, still held her hand, and asked for her name for the second time.

” i have told you before, i don’t tell strangers my name,” she insisted, still smiling.

‘ ok o, is you dat sabi that one, since you don’t want to tell me your name, i’ll give you a name myself, i’ll be calling you Bighead i replied.

” no o, don’t dare call me that oh, ok you win! My name is Joy,” she said while smiling.

me: it is the big head that i will call you as a punishment for wasting my time.

Joy: please oh, don’t call me big head oh

I asked her to give me her phone and she brought her phone out from her bag and while she was contemplating on whether to give me the phone or not i said,’ if you are thinking i want to ask you out, don’t stress yourself. I can’t comman date someone like you cos you are not even  type’ i said with a smile, you need to see the shock expression on her face after i said those words.

Rose: lol, is she Type A or Type B?

Joy: Rose, this your friend is t mean, is he always like this?

me: big head! I’m not always like this o, just that i like saying things as they are, lol

Joy: hmm, you are not a nice guy, you don’t even know how to pamper a lady.

me: if pampering a lady with lies is your definition of nice, then i don’t want to ever be nice. That’s how you’ll be putting my fellow brothers in friend-zone while they act nice in a bid to please you, that won’t work for me.

Joy just stared at me speechless while Rose laughed.


To be continued..

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