Stories

My Life At DESPO – Episode 47

“Wetin ona go take?” Diplomatic asked.

“gimme Star,” meekest replied.

“What of you?” he asked me while i smiled and replied, “viju milk” and those that heard what i said laughed out loud.

“why would a big boy like you order for viju milk, are you a baby?” a girl that sat close to me asked while she laughed and i nodded.

“what do you mean, someone cannor take viju milk in peace again,” i replied her as my brother went to get our order.

“you nor well oh, you see men dey drink alcohol here, you dey say na viju milk, you see any small pikin for here?” a guy fired at me while they laughed and i just smiled cos i wasn’t in the mood for talk as i was still trying to familiarize myself with th strange faces in the table.

“oboy, everybody dey with their babes o, na only our 2 dey odd for here so oh, abi you no dey see am?” meekest asked me.

” e nor matter na, everybody cannot be the same, sometimes it pays to be different, shey you understand,” i replied him while he nodded.

He gave meekest a chilled bottle of Star and a disposable cup while he gave a chilled ‘mortuary standard’ cold bottle of Heneiken.

I collected the drink from him while i gave the guy that attacked me earlier the ‘ shey you see say you nor get sense’ look as i opened my drink while nodding to the jam that was being played by the Dj.

After we finished the drink in our table, they went and bought more,  “na today we go separate the men from the children for dis table, we go know who go 1st off(high),” the guy that yabbed me earlier said, immediately they brought the next round of drinks and some spirits(Red Label n John Barr) and some packs of Black Bullets on the table while 2 guys in the table went out to buy suya and Bar-BQ for the table.

I just smiled and whispered to meekest, “guy nor mind anybody talk o, just do your tin, if you don reach your gauge(limit) make you relax oh, nor do pass yourself to impress anybody o, dem nor dey brag with highness, dem nor dey give award for who sabi drink pass o.”

“nawa for you, na you wan tell me? I know na,” he replied while we laughed.

“correct guy!,” i hailed him while the guys that went out came back with only suya stating that Bar-BQ was finished. We drank and chewed and gisted while time was busy running.

At about some minutes past 11pm, we decided to hit the club but when we got to the ticket stand to purchase our tickets, we saw some people coming outside to receive fresh air.

“oboy, the heat for inside na die oh, the ACs nor fit carry am cos the whole place rowdy, as today na Matric so, no space for inside at all” one of guy that came outside said, with his shirt soaked with sweat.

Right there, we decided to cancel clubbing that night cos we won’t enjoy it, so we went back to the bar section, but this time the place was less crowded so we took tables outside and merged them before bringing our chairs and ordering for another round of drinks.

“ogbeni, the way dis nite dey go so ehn, i wan detty myself,” i said before i went to get a Guinness stout(1759/Odeku) and bottled groundnut to go down with it.

When i got back, everyone at the table were laughing, i didn’t know what transpired and was about to ask meekest to give me update of what happened while i left when one of the girls in our table just stood up, staggered a bit before she started twerking while we all laughed. (Shayo na bastard o!)

“This is just the beginning, you neva see anything!” i remarked as we all continued laughing.

” na which person babe wan disgrace us for here so?,” the guy that yabbed me earlier asked while we laughed.

One of the guys in the table got up to where his girlfriend was twerking and carried her to sit on his lap while he gave her water to drink.

” omo,  dis night don set for you and your babe o, na steady banging till ona quench, kpanshing from kitchen- to-bathroom-to-bed, make sure say ona finish all the styles and positions from missionary, scissors, cow girl, reverse cow-girl, snake in the monkey shadow style make you round am up with doggy style, but abeg nor shift her womb oh” a guy in our midst advised the guy whose gf was tipsy while we all laughed.

“you sure say dat guy neva high so, which one be snake in the monkey shadow style again na?” i asked no one in particular and our table vibrated with laughter while one who was drinking and laughing got choked.

“you go laugh kill yourself oh, dis wan wen drink dey your mouth and you dey laugh so, you wan laugh die abi,” i said while he gave me signal with his hand stop while he held his chest as he tried to calm himself down from laughing.

“What goes around comes around like a hoola hoop, Karma is a bitch, Well just make sure that bitch is beautiful” – Lil Wayne (She will ft drake)

That line from Lil wayne best described what happen next in our table some moments later as the guy that yabbed me earlier entered the realm of highness.

“oboy, make ona nor enter motor leave me, see as ona talk dey make cold dey catch me” he said as he pulled off his shirt while we all laughed at our new ‘royal highness’. (Shayo nor get respect o).

“Shey na dis one dey make mouth for here since, dey rake anyhow say na today we go seperate the boys from men, see as he dey disgrace im ancestors for here now” i said while everyone in the table laughed.

The guy just looked at us and started laughing like a mad fool while he sat on the floor. ” heya, see as village people tey locate dis guy at dis very ungodly hour, chai” i said while everyone laughed again.

Shebi he was attacking me earlier, it was my time to shine after all shey dem say “he who laugh last, laugh best” i ensured to pay him back in his own coin that night.

“people wey produce drink dey advice ona say make ona drink responsibly, dis one no gree, see as dis family man sit down for ground dey disgrace himself now,” i added.

“guy take am easy na, you and the guy get beef before?” another guy in the table asked me while laughing.

” oma, you need to see as dis guy dey attack me when i tey say make dem give me viju milk o, na so he just dey blast me left and right dat time dey form oga, like say dem dey give award for who sabi drink pass, las-las, how e con be now? Shey you see as he sit down for ground like who wan learn how crase, abeg chain dey there?” i asked no one in particlar.

” your mouth no good” another guy replied me while our drunkard continued laughing while asking for a bottle of drink.

I gladly opened a black bullet and gave it to him, afterall, there is a saying that “what is worth doing, is worth doing well”, so as he don start him highness so, make he just high to the highest state. (i’m not wicked, don’t look at me like that)

The drunk fellow stood up and collected the drink from me with a smiling face and the next i saw was that he poured the content on his head.

Laughed almost killed me as i sat down and held my chest, next thing we heard was, “my eye o! My eye o! I don die o!” our royal highness screamed as he stood up about to run while meekest and other guys held him before i collected a can water from the table and poured on his face to wash away the drink.

After washing his face, the guy sat down, rested his head on the table and slept off. ” see as he be! Anyday he open dat him wide mouth take rake for drink again, i go burst im head!” i remarked.

He woke up some minutes later and carried his chair to the middle, sat down and slept off again while we laughed.

“make we snap and video dis guy, cos if we tell am later say him off(high), he nor go believe, make we keep evidence to back up our claims later cos dis guy go follow us argue am later” i said as i brought out my phone and snapped our guy who was on another level, he was on his singlet.

Some other guys went to pose behind and beside him while we took different shots with ‘his royal highness’.

We did it for fun though, some people took another round of drinks before we later left Legit around 3am that day.

We went home slept and woke up around some minutes to 11am that day before we tidied the house and freshened up.

 

To be continued…

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