Stories

My Life At DESPO – Episode 48

None of us had the strength to cook that morning, so we opted to buy food from Mama Elohor( Restaurant) that we ate that morning before my brother, meekest, Azo and Jay, Cy and some babes and i went swimming in Amena resort that afternoon and we had fun in the pool again that day.(story for another day).

Fast-forward to the next week Monday, we were supposed to start test that week but it was postponed and i felt angry and happy.

I felt angry cos the test was postponed after all the preparation i had made. And i felt happy for the postponement cos that would buy me more time for more preparations. (wat am i even saying sef) .

That day after class, i went home freshened up and slept off.  When i woke up, i felt hungry and when i got to the kitchen, i lost the strength to light the gas to prepare something light, so i went back to the room, picked my phone and dialed meekest number.

” hwfa bros, wetin you cook?” i asked him immediately he answered the call.

“i cook egusi soup” he replied.

“abeg if eba nor dey, make before i reach there, hunger wan shift my spinal cord” i said as he laughed while i ended the call and put some clothes on before i left for his place.

When i got there, what i saw shocked me. When i got there, meekest just added melon to the stew that was boiling onto the gas, i was shocked because the boy told me he had Egusi soup, awish he tell me say he just dey cook, i for kukuma go buy snack chop first na, before those angry worms inside my stomach finish me.

“you just dey cook so?” i asked a rhetoric question (nor blame me, na hunger cause am).

“no, wetin you see me say i dey do so? Dey there dey ask me stupid question for there until, kolo!” he fired at me. I didn’t reply him, i saved my strength to fix something for my stomach infrastructure.

I got outside cos i contemplated going out to buy snack or anything edible that could occupy space in my stomach but i decided to save the money for another thing as i went inside the kitchen, packed dry garri in a bowl and added steamed meat  inside the bowl, mixed it together and went back inside the room, sat down and began to eat.

Dafe came inside while i was eating and joined me. ” eat the one wey you dey see 1st” he was the one that meekest copied that motto from.

“oboy afa the money na, you nor dey try oh, if you nor be guy before, i know wetin i for don do you oh,” Dafe said while we ate while i kept quiet and smiled while searching my mind for the right word to reply him at the moment.

” oboy talk na, which one you just dey smile anyhow now, wetin i talk dey funny?” he added.

I smiled outwardly, while inwardly, i was like ‘who con send me make i com dis lodge today now, na wa o’ while i stood up to get water.

I went inside the kitchen and brought 2 sachets of water, i opened one while i handed the other one to Dafe.

” blacky, dis your guy go sabi take care of him babes dem wel-wel o, see as he dey give me water like say i be babe, if you wan show say you care, pay your money com now, nor be water you wan take bribe me” he said while he collected it from me and we laughed.

” oboy, for dis my garri wen you follow me share so, na half of the money you don chop so, wetin remain now be say, i go balance you 5k” i said while holding myself from laughing but i couldn’t cos he laughed out loud. ( dat kine laugh wen go make your laugh dey laugh).

” see dis kolo! If you nor even talk well now sef, na to just call community make dem com cramp you for here now” he said while laughing.

At the mention of community, i felt weak cos I noticed that should he call them, i was at disadvantage cos there was no escape route for me as he stood close the door, so while i cracking my brain for a possible solution in case i was busted, i decided to say something else.

” bros, you harsh you, shuo, you wan call community for me wey be your guy?, nawa for you sef o, someone cannor play with you?” i asked him while we all laughed as blacky served brought the food he prepared and a hot bowl of eba.

We went to the sink to wash our hands and immediately we sat down, Dafe started molding lumps upon lumps of eba back to back.

The ratio was like 5-2, meaning while he was on his 5th mold of eba, i was stil struggling with my 2nd mold while blowing it for it to get cold before swallowing.

It was a handicap match, Dafe had natural cooler in his mouth cos the hot food nor dey burn the boy mouth.

While we were eating, Xtian(structure), Tega(Tico) and Peace walked in and went straight to the sink, washed their hands and joined us and the eating pattern changed.

When i said the pattern changed, i meant it turned to survival of the fittest, while others where on their 3rd mold, i was stil blowing mine, the match was not no way in my favor. So i got up, went to the kitchen, cut some eba in a bowl, covered it and hid it in the kitchen cabinet, thats what we call ‘set-keeping’.

When it comes to eating hot food, those guys were pros and i was upcoming then, so wisdom demands i remove my own codedly, while they battle for the rest, so that i’ll eat my own in peace when they have left. (don’t look at me like dat, i can’t com and be cheated ontop food na, so i gats (set-keep) secure).

” Efe don eat finish just now? Na wa o, the boy nor hungry sef” Dafe said.

“the boy na aje o, dem say make he nor dey eat other people food” Tico said.

” make ona leave the boy alone na, he nor dey swallow eba, na only fried rice and chicken he dey eat” Structure added while we all laughed as they continued to (deduce) the food, i laughed at them, if only they knew my mission in the kitchen was.

I went back and joined them while their shirt was soaked due to the hotness of the food plus the competition among them, i just smiled and ate slowly and joyfully cos i have secured my stomach’s share somewhere.

Eating with my friends adds a kinda flavor to food, shebi you know say crowd food dey sweet plus there is a kinda joy it brings. There’s fun in the competition among us while eating plus it kinda bond us together in a way. And sometimes e dey make you quick belle-ful.

After we finished eating, we got gisting, talked about school, the upcoming test, politics, economy and football.

That evening the argument of which Football team was better was so intense that you would think they wanted to fight.

“You dey mad? You know how many League title MAN-U don carry? Nor repeat dat word again o, mumu, na 4th be the highest tin wey ona go win for Premier League title, kolo” Gbokodo shouted while blasting an Arsenal fan.

“your fada yansh! na only we fit dey give Barca problem for Champions league, for group stage, nor club for dis World go fit remove us, kolo like you, if you talk rubbish for there i go tear you slap,” the Arsenal fan retorted while we all laughed.

******

Lemme say something, do you know that some football fans don’t have sense?

If you see where some people for dey ginger with all their strength dey defend club wey dem dey support ehn, you go think say na their papa get the club or dem get shares for the club, yeye dey smell.

I have heard and read about some people who died fighting or stabbed due to argument of whose team was superior. May they rest in pieces cos they died for a stupid course.

Just imagine fighting/dying for a club/player that doesn’t even know you exist, what is more foolish than that?

Team die-hard fans, I’m not against supporting your favorite team o, but to the extent of indulging yourself in violence in the act, that is a no no for me, i think your brain should be examined cos to me, your are not normal, they need to tie your hands and leg bundle you to Yaba Left for proper examination. (don’t look at me like that) .

*******

To me, the best place to watch and enjoy football match is the Football Viewing Center(Sport Center), na there you go jam all the different kind of football fans( the good, bad and ugly).

It is there you’ll see the different types of fans, E.g:

*the ones that argue without facts.

*the ones that shout at the top of their voices to make some point which are most times incorrect.

*the ones that would want to fight you for opposing the teams they support.

* the ones who are supporting a club but don’t know the names of their 1st-eleven or name of their coach (is dat one a fan sef?)

*The ones that are just there to make noise.

(the list is long but lemme stop here for now)

*********

Back to the matter,

all the babes in lodge came out to join us outside while we laughed and talked about football. Gbokodo fit burst person head for MAN-U matter o.

After the argument, Dafe suggested that we play WHOT, not just ordinary Whot, we decided to spice up the game by adding this rule: Highest number drinks a glass of water.

The rule was that if anyone check-up(win), the number on the rest people’s card would be counted and the person with the highest number would drink a big cup of water. (wicked!)

Some babes wanted to join but we declined cos we don’t want anyone to spoil the fun and i strongly disagreed cos i don’t wan9t any of them to wee on their bed.

We were 7 guys that played the Whot game, namely: Meekest, Dafe, Gbokodo, Structure, Tico, Omos (Gbokodo’s brother) and i.

The game went smoothly at first, Gbokodo drank the 1st water of the game as his number was the highest after the total count of everyone’s card.

The 2nd game was against me as the Tico didn’t gave me chanced to play, the boy just dey give me steady hold-on, and pick 2 back-to-back like say he get me for mind before.

There are 2 patterns/methods of playing Whot :

 

Method 1 rules:

number 1 = hold-on(suspension)

number 2 = pick 2

number 14 = general market

 

Method 2 rules:

number 8= hold-on (suspension)

number 2= pick 2

number 5= pick 3

number20= Whot (need)

We used method one.

The game went on and everyone drank their own share(s)

Score was:

name – number of cup(s) drank

Dafe        –       2

Gbokodo   –      1

Meekest     –      2

Tico             –     2

Structure      –   2

Omos            –  2

Me                 – 2

 

The game went on fine as Gbokodo was the only one who had drank just a cup and he boasted that he was the pro amongst us until his village people showed up.

The next 3 games we played, Gbokodo had the highest number and he drank 3 big cups of water while we laughed and the babes around asked him to leave the game as he had drunk enough water for the night but pride won’t let him listen to them.

” why i go get up from game? I nor go give up, water nor fit kill me” he replied them while we played the next game.

” Gbokodo, i know say e nor easy, but you fit use shame tey comot from the game now, we go understand, dis one wen you don drink water full belle so, make your belle nor go burst for here o, i nor wan write statement for police station o,” i added in persuasion for him to quit while we all laughed but he remained adamant.

“na fly wey no hear word, dey follow dead body dey enta grave” that parable explained itself the next game as Tico checked and after the count, Gbokodo’s card was the highest, meaning another big cup of water to his already water-filled stomach. (you go hear word today!)

“your own don finish today!,” Tiko said.

“see as water don give you belle!,” Structure added.

“Gbokoda, your village people dun come for you now, shebi you dey make mouth for here since,” Dafe said.

“Shebi i advise you make you withdraw from the game, you nor gree, because you see babes for here, you con dey form James Bond, you die well dis night,” i said.

“Gbokolistic, water nor go fit kill you, i know say your belle na drum but, e be like say the drum go burst today,” Meekest added.

“make ona sorry for am, abeg!,” the babes pleaded for our latest World Best Water Drinker but we didn’t agree cos, “what is worth drinking, is worth drinking well,” na me talk am .

“make ona nor beg for me, wetin be water wen i nor fit drink? I go drink am but make ona allow me go piss 1st so dat my belle go free, if i com back, i go drink am,” Gbokodo boasted while he stood up.

After he made that statement, we all laughed hard, the laugh was so loud that the noise we made woke up some people who had slept, some complained inside while the others came to to join us outside cos,  “if you can’t beat them, join them.”

Don’t try that with me o cos, my own version of that saying is,  “if you can’t beat them, arrange to get them beaten.”

 

To be continued…

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